What Would Jareth Do?

I went into Babies R Us today and… wow.   It takes targeted marketing and retail to an entirely different level than I’ve ever experienced (and I worked in retail for almost 10 years).  I understand a single department in a store having baby merchandise and apparel,  but Babies R Us goes overboard.   There are entirely too many choices and variations for every item.   There was a whole aisle devoted solely to personal grooming kits— seriously?! It hurts my brain to even imagine the day where I’ll be one of the customers scanning over 12 pages worth of gift registry items.  I wonder if they’ll be open for Thanksgiving?  I would imagine it would be better for business in the long term if they were closed,  allowing more people to make babies in between gorging on tryptophan and cutting slices of pumpkin pies.

But instead of questioning it while I was there,  I began singing in my head: “You remind me of the babe. What babe? The babe with the power.  What power?” I instantly flashed back to 1986 when bulges in purple tights were all the rage.  Now I was only 1 in ’86, but that doesn’t matter.  You know why? Because Halloween 2015 will mark the return of 1986 and Jareth.  And his bulge. That’s why.

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I've already begun the research for my transformation.

I’ve read rumors they are going to make a sequel. If they can’t secure David Bowie,  then it will be a waste of everything to everyone.   They might as well try to market and leverage this as a platform for yet another LiLo comeback.  Nothing else will hype it up enough.  But I do hope the rumor is just a rumor.  I’d honestly rather watch koalas mating in crazy tree positions for 24 hours straight while drinking eucalyptus tea than participate in that sequel.  Who knows?  Maybe they would generate some ideas and save me the time and money of having to go out and buy a Kama Sutra book.  I smell potential…

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Cue Barry White music.

Koalasex.
Koalasex. 
Koalasex. 

Hmm… it doesn’t produce the same results as repeating Beetlejuice’s name 3 times. Worth a shot!  (Did anyone ever watch The Noozles on Nickelodeon as a child?  Random.)

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