Time Travel To 1997: A Horror Movie With a Hook

Last night I traveled back to a less fortunate, more daunting time in my life.  Move over, Marty McFly.  The date was October 17, 1997.  I’m sure I had a bleached, bowl cut while I walked around school in my baggy Marilyn Manson t-shirt (with the back cover of Antichrist Superstar) and my dark olive green Vans.  Back then I was soaking mints in onion or garlic powder and giving them away to “friends.”  I was smoking cigarettes and shooting fires with BB guns.  And I knew every word to White Zombie, Korn, Manson, and Spice Girls.  I was a rebel.  Actually, that might have all been the year before when I was in 6th grade, not 7th.  In 7th grade I got braces and was wearing Abercrombie & Fitch, Gap, and Old Navy while drawing all my friends signs during classes with my giant pack of Crayola Supertips Markers (don’t act like we all didn’t do that…)  Okay- so I had a massive #TransformationTuesday before it was even such a thing.  I blame that transition on my love for Scary Spice.  Nevertheless, October 17, 1997 was a tragic time.  BUT it was the day that the iconic horror movie I Know What You Did Last Summer was released!  And last night when I put in my DVD I was taken back to that time period.

fisherman

IKWYDLS was during Kevin Williamson’s peak time.  He was rolling on the success of Dawson’s Creek and Scream.  He was in every middle schooler’s heart and mind.  I can remember making all of my AOL sounds (Welcome, You’ve Got Mail, Buddy In/Out, etc) WAV clips from the movie.  I was in all of the AOL-created chat rooms (unknowingly talking to 50-year-old fat men and their cats) discussing fan fiction, web sites, and all about the stars of the movie (I even remember trading fake nudes of the celebrities… whatever).  I used to love all the songs from the movie and I remember them vividly.

While watching last night, I could not help but think how I may have reacted to this in the theaters had I been older when I first saw it.  There were definitely some fake/cheesy parts, but I do not know if it is because I am older looking back or if it’s because they were really bad.  Most of the movie I was channeling my inner-black woman: “What?!  NO!  Do NOT go in there!  Girl, please!  Bitch, you gon’ die!  LOOK!”  I was cracking myself up and all I could think about was how they mocked this in Scary Movie series (you definitely need to see that 6 second clip I just linked).

outofmyface

scaryshitThen I got to thinking (probably because of the media around it right now), that there is only one black person in this movie and she’s in it for maybe 45 seconds.  At least the writers/producers made up for it in the sequel by adding Brandy (aka the whitest black woman they could have possible found even if her booty does rival Nicki Minaj’s during her kickboxing scene) and Mekhi Phifer.  *clap clap*

Above anything, the movie is about friendship and the ties that bind.  Friendships so deep you’ll trade Lisa Frank trapperkeepers with your bestie.  J Love and SMG are best friends when the movie opens, but because of what happens the night after SMG is crowned Kroger Queen of Goodwill in their small fishing town, the two girls become estranged.  They were so happy just hours before the accident… but then SMG had her poor heart-broken by J Love even worse than when she was rejected from acting in New York (because all beauty pageant queens want world peace and to go into acting)…

lovesmg

bestfriends

Who am I kidding?  I am trying to act like the movie served as some sort of moral compass for happiness.  Well, in a way it does.  The North Star of this “compass” is: Don’t get drunk and fornicate on the beach and try to dump the body of your hit-and-run victim to be eaten by crabs when you should just call the police.  “CALL THE PO-LICE, BITCH!” screams my inner black angel whispering in my ear from my shoulder.  Jennifer Love Hewitt was a victim of peer pressure.  She tried to do the right thing.  But her boyfriend, Freddie, and best friend decided to be bullied and listen to Ryan Phillipe, who is so drunkenly plastered that he is making TOTAL sense… let’s listen to the guy who’s so drunk he would spend an hour pushing on a door that says “Pull” in order to buy his drunk ass a twinkie.  He was abusing women long before Ray Rice…

alcoholic

taketograve

The movie had some great quotes/scenes in it.  Some of them have been spoofed in TV shows and parody movies, where others remain in our hearts as reminders that life was once beautiful.  They are little treasures that belong to us, and only us. One of the most commonly mocked/spoofed scenes:

whatareyouwaitingforTo piggy back on the image above, apparently no one is waiting to reboot the series.  I am excited to see what they will do with the remake, as sad as it is that one of my favorite horror movies from my youth is getting remade.  There are many reasons this should not be remade (even though I will watch it):

  1. Why are you remaking such a classic?  Granted, this isn’t The Exorcist or Nightmare on Elm Street type of classic, but thanks to this and the Scream series, horror movies were somewhat reinvented during the 90s.  Therefore, I label it in the classic category.
  2. Umm… will you really get a better cast than Jennifer Love Hewitt, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillipe, and Freddie Prinze Jr?  Maybe some of them are irrelevant now, but back then they were powerhouse stars.  Buffy was just being launched, Freddie was just about to make a slew of teenybopper movies, Ryan was so easy and fresh on the eyes, and Jennifer Love Hewitt was fresh off the hit phenomenon, Party of Five.  Three of these main stars have three names.  THREE NAMES!  That means THREE times the power.  I don’t think you can consider remaking this movie unless you find actors with three names.  It will be hard to find a cast as relevant to society… it will probably be trash like Arianna Grande, Harry Styles, etc that they choose to remake this with… gag me with a fish hook.
  3. Take a look at the image above with Jennifer Love Hewitt.  Yeah, you can’t remake that.  You just can’t touch one of the most iconic quotes/scenes in 90s horror history.  BUH-BYE.
  4. The outfits…

    ts
  5. Besides Justin Timberlake in an NSYNC video long forgotten, no one will ever look sexy with ramen noodle hair in a wife beater like Ryan does…
    ryan
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