Reflections On A Classic. Whatever!


Clueless is one of my favorite movies ever.  I have been watching it since I was in 5th grade when it was released.  Part of my love for the movie stemmed from the idealistic thought that being more grown up and in high school was going to be the best thing ever.  Well… it was better than 5th grade, but it was far from the best thing ever.  In reality, high school was nowhere near as ferosh-balls as the life at Bronson Alcott High School.  I am convinced another reason I love this movie is because of my recent discovery that it was released on my boyfriend’s birthday, July 19th.  Fate has linked my favorite person to one of my favorite movies.  There are so many things to love about this movie…

Cher’s Debate About the Haitians
We laughed then, but Cher’s ability to turn a story about her father’s 50th birthday into a solid argument for a change in US domestic policy is pure genius.  We may not be giving her enough credit, but she was spot on about reallocating our resources to accommodate others.  We can certainly party with the Hai-ti-ans!  Just because people come (to dinner parties, across the border(s), or even between the sheets…) who totally don’t R.S.V.P, that’s no reason to be totally buggin’.  And in conclusion, may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty!



Cher’s Recollection of Mel Gibson
Fewer things are more annoying than some liberal arts hipster brainiac wannabe spouting off knowledge like they shit perfect chunky plastic-frame glasses and Parliament cigarettes.  That is exactly what Josh’s pseudo-girlfriend, Heather, is like when they go rescue Cher from being sexually assaulted and robbed at gunpoint.  What actual douchebag quotes Shakespeare in general conversation while wearing a beanie cap?  “It’s just like Hamlet said, ‘To thine own self be true…’I think I remember Hamlet accurately…!”  Cher’s retort and facial expression are both boss enough to make a hispter hate herself for wearing skinny jeans: “Uh… Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately… and he didn’t say that. That Polonius guy did.”  BOOM, bitch!  You got served!!



The Greatest Insult of All Time
Tai makes one insult that trumps every insult that has ever been said.  I try to find a way to use it whenever I can because of how golden it is.  She’s got the pursed lips, one raised eyebrow, and the slow motion head bob, throwin’ shade all over the place.  Three snaps for Tai, ya’ll!  Let’s face it… sometimes you just wanna make people feel like the douchebag they truly are.  Tai sums up basically two of the harshest things that could ever be said...



Lucy: The Best Hide-and-Go-Seeker
Some people only remember Lucy, the maid, from her quote, “Ayaya!  I-uh-not-uh-mexican!”  But she has an even funnier part than that in the movie.  We all know how she is afraid of Cher’s dad, right?  How many people noticed at the beginning of the movie when Cher is parenting her dad in the kitchen that Lucy is also in the room?  She is so scared that she has to hide… #WheresWaldo



Amber: The Original Frenemy
We all remember Amber (Ambular) as the somewhat uber biatch.  She comes across as the Tanya Harding to Cher’s Nancy Kerrigan, just waiting for the opportunity to take her out below the knees.  What we didn’t realize at the time (since Mean Girls wasn’t released yet) is that Amber serves as Cher’s frenemy.  “Surely you mean enemy?” you ask.  No, no.  Despite her rude retorts and attempts to steal the spotlight from Cher, we can see that they may actually be “friends” more than we think… in the first picture below you can see Amber coming out to the food court during lunch and sit right next to Cher and Dionne at their table.  If they were such enemies, I doubt she would sit right beside her.  Below that, we can see her clapping in approval of Cher’s good deeds that indirectly and positively affected everyone’s better grades.




Tai’s Grand Entrance
I honestly pee my pants every time I see Tai fall down the stairs when she gets to the big dance party (not to be confused with the house party in the Valley).  She poses and waves to Cher and Christian like a gigantic goofball and then is boom boom boom down the stairs she goes.  She BUSTS. THAT. ASS.  And it really looked like it hurt… like… a lot…




Driver’s Edu-kidding Me?
This movie is one giant PSA for good driving.  Instead of making us watch 4 hours of car wrecks and some made up story from a police officer where his brother or cousin was killed by a drunk driver in Defensive Driver’s Ed (after we get a ticket), they should just let us watch Clueless.  Cher can’t drive.  Dionne can’t drive.  And they are constantly making us laugh by nearly running over bikers, hitting the curb, running stop signs, and freaking out on the interstate.  They inspire me to be a better driver, that’s for sure.  They would fit in with the drivers in the Atlanta metro area with no problem…





Elton: Super Creep…
Elton is known as being, as Cher says, “a snob and a half.”  Even though he’s like totally the social director and just broke up with Collette, Elton is seemingly shallow and selfish.  He is definitely someone who would walk around with a selfie stick if he were in high school today.  While he can be rather obnoxious and indirectly misogynistic, we can see him being rather hilarious in the background of some scenes.  In the first image below, you can see him flossing his teeth while Miss Geist is lecturing.  Below that, you can see his famous epiphany where he realizes he left his Cranberries CD at the quad… (bet you overlooked that one!)




The Eargasms
Ok.  This movie has some classics.  From the opening scene where The Muffs are covering “Kids In America” to The Mighty Mighty Bosstones to Jill Sobule’s famous “Supermodel” and ending with General Public’s “Tenderness.”  Be still my heart!  I could like totally rock out with my friends like a Noxzema commercial to these songs all day!


The House Party in the Valley
Trying to recreate this party as a 5th grader was all the rage.  We all started playing suck and blow.  We decided it was cool to do ‘The Elton/Tai Mashup” dance move to Coolio’s “Rolling With The Homies.”  And we absolutely loved to “go bump into people” and get down on one knee while our friend danced in a circle around us.  Fewer things are greater than Tai getting knocked out by a flying clog and then slamming her forehead on a giant light bulb.  Every scene in this party was literally everything to us in 5th grade.  I still… kind of… want to have a party like this… now…





Hopefully you have been able to reminisce to this wonderful movie as you scrolled down through my blog.  I shared some of my favorite moments/observations, but this post does not include so many quotes that make this movie even better.  Being able to give advice from this movie (like how to use long syllable words such as “sporadically” or how to get a man by drawing attention to your mouth…) or have the perfect quote for any and every situation life throws at you makes Clueless top on my list.  You can pay special tribute to the movie by giving advice to someone only one month younger.  As Cher says, “My birthday is in April and as someone older, can I please give you some advice?”  And if you disagree, then may Violet Crawley, Dowager Countess of Grantham, condescendingly judge the living shit out of you for all eternity…

throwingshadeAnd may you permanently have to wear polyester hair like Shawanna!



3 thoughts on “Reflections On A Classic. Whatever!

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