Life Coach: Marvin the Martian

Do you ever feel like Marvin the Martian?  You know, he’s the one who was quiet and soft-spoken, but whose actions were incredibly destructive and legitimately dangerous.  He is almost like a cat in some regards.  He looks all adorable, shy, and kitten-y from afar, but you know he is plotting your demise and trying to take over the world.  There are times where I feel like Marvin the Martian.

Set The Bar High
Depending on his mood of the day, both destroying the world and taking over the world are incredibly ambitious goals.  One might easily agree these plans require a lot of pre-work and determination.  We should take a note from Marvin the Martian and always set high standards.  Why should we settle for less?  Why should we NOT feel like the world is our oyster?  Famous life coach and motivational speaker, Toby Robbins, even supports this by saying, “The path to success is to take massive, determined action.”  But why stop at just long-term goals?  Why not apply this mantra to everything we do, from cooking breakfast to having crazy, passionate sex?  Marvin the Martian was always talking about the earth-shattering kabooms.  Should we really settle for less and have to question ourselves after a good, naked roll in ze hay?  We’ve all had that one hookup that left us wondering and even a telescope couldn’t help us find that half eaten Tic-Tac below his belt…

If At First You Don’t Succeed…
We’ve never seen Marvin the Martian truly succeed with any of his grand schemes, but that doesn’t stop him from trying harder each time.  He was obvi channeling Winston Churchill: “Never, never, never give up!”  Marvin and I are a lot alike there since my 5th grade teacher made my class start each morning with that quote.  If we were always successful in everything we did, then we would not feel as empowered and excited when we see positive results from our hard work.  Failure is a normal and acceptable part of life.  As much as we hate thinking about it, life is easier when we accept it.  You may not get elected Student Body President.  Maybe you won’t win Homecoming Queen.  You are definitely not going to make an A on every single assignment you complete.  And sometimes you might just have whiskey dick and can’t perform even with the help of a blue pill infused with the masculinity and virility of Hercules.  It’s ok.  Just remember Marvin’s famous words…

Man’s… err… Martian’s Best Friend
Dog’s bring out the best in us.  Every time they see us they love us just the same (if not more) and do not see our faults.  Who better to plot the demise of the world than with our furry friends?  We do all sorts of things with and in front of our dogs, so why should we not include them in this, too?  We watch TV with them on our laps.  We eat dinner with them begging for scraps under the table.  We masturbate or have sex with them watching us from a far all creepy and Stephen King-y… so it’s fair to say they should be included in our world domination plans!  K-9 has always supported Marvin, even by serving as a stabilizer for his bazookas.  It’s safe to say Marvin has a soft spot in his heart for his companion.  He’s all “Die, earthlings!” but you know even he would weep like a baby if he watched Marley & Me…

Confidence is Key
We are consumed with what people think of how we dress even more than ever these days.  I think you should wear what colors and styles you want that make you happy. Now, you may get made fun of and judged… but if you can handle it, then wear what you want!  After years of the same outfit, do you see Marvin taking his skirt off because it’s a little sissy?  Nope.  He is our sassy Martian Marilyn Monroe, throwin’ his cat all over the place and we love him for it.  Confidence matters.

We could all learn a little from Marvin the Martian.  He says what he wants.  He does what he wants.  It’s his way… kind of like Cordelia Chase, a fellow Life Coach!  And we can assume he has RBF like Wednesday Addams, but we can’t tell because all we really see are his eyes.  So, maybe we can agree that he has RBE (Resting Bitch Eyes).  Good luck in taking over the world, Earthlings.