A Trip To The Dentist

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I just recently had my quarterly teeth cleaning at the dentist.  Yes, quarterly.  It takes some work to have a flawless smile, you know.  Like many of you, I detest going to the dentist.  I even try to make it as painless and convenient as possible by selecting a dentist that is in the same building where I work.  I can just hop on down there before work or during lunch and not have to worry about the added annoyance of the commute.  The dentist office is and will always feel like a familiar place for me as my mother was a dental hygienist when I was a small child before she became a registered nurse.  I would hang out in the lobby reading Highlights magazines waiting on her to finish work sometimes.  You would think the dentist chair would feel as natural to me as sitting on the Iron Throne of Westeros should feel to Khaleesi, Mother of Dragons!  There are a plethora of reasons as to why a trip to the dentist can be… the polar opposite of pleasurable.  Even Queen Taylor does not like going…

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The Question
It’s the elephant in the room.  It’s inevitably going to be asked.  You try to prepare and ponder all the possible responses you could provide.  I would rather be subjugated to the truth serum from the Divergent series knowing my answer may result in a bullet to the head.  “How’s your flossing?”  No matter your answer, it is NEVER good enough and you will be made to feel like pond scum.  Or worse.  Lower. The pus that infects the mucous… that cruds up the fungus… that feeds on the pond scum.  Suddenly my dental hygienist becomes Commodus incarnate from Gladiator…

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Sensitive Gums
Then when I tell them I am flossing twice a day I get scolded, “You only need to floss once a day.”  Make up your mind!  Regardless of how much I do or don’t floss, I always have sensitive, inflamed gums due to my bleeding disease and the clotting, bruising symptoms that come with it.  I tell the hygienist that the swelling and bleeding have both lessened since the last visit, but that it is still present.  Do they care about my trials and tribulations?

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Conversationalist
What is with all the chit chat and prodding for conversation?  I totally understand connecting with patients and establishing a friendly rapport, but are you seriously going to become my BFF when you have my mouth propped open, a suction device inside, a band around one tooth, and a water device in yours while the dentist has a sickle probe and a mouth mirror in me, too?  I can try to talk but I guarantee you won’t understand me and the likelihood of you drilling into my tongue will increase by 200%.  I can barely talk with a milkshake in my mouth let alone the entire office of dental supplies.  I bet porn stars make GREAT dental patients.

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dentist_timespentNew Outfits
It seems like every time I go to the dentist I have to wear more and more things on my face and items that cover my clothing.  At first it was just a bib.  Now they have me in some fancy sunglasses and a bigger bib.  What’s next?  A swim cap and a fur coat?  Is this a visit to get my teeth cleaned or a trip to fashion week in Paris?

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Obsessed With Cotton
I understand that cotton is “the fabric of our lives” and it has all these useful benefits, but using 10x the recommended amount in my mouth for just one tooth is not necessary.  It is quite the opposite and borderlines on obscene, wasteful, and equates to assault charges in my opinion.  You want to dry my tooth?  Use your little air wand and blow it dry and give me one, MAYBE two, cotton swabs. Sometimes I am convinced they are stuffing me with super jumbo tampons and secretly laughing behind that mask…

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Overall I am pleased with my trips to the dentist and how great they make my teeth and me look and feel.  I am thankful to live in a place with so many options and to work for a company that provides such great benefits for my oral health.  Other countries may ACTUALLY provide dental services like we see in torture spy movies for all I know.  I just know that my surrounding environments are sterile and my dentists have the ability to numb the hell out of me upon request.  We all like our pretty smiles, right?

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In the end, I guess dentists would prefer that we were more like Beldar Conehead.  They could put however many instruments inside us that they wanted and they have tons of teeth that need work to fund their golf vacations and early retirements.  Do you have any funny or scary stories about a trip to the dentist?

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33 thoughts on “A Trip To The Dentist

  1. I had a tooth pulled a few years ago. They told me to take a pain pill before I came in so that it would start working before the Novocain wore off. Bad idea. I passed out walking out of the office. I woke up back in the dental chair (where I had been carried by my brother and a dental assistant) with the dentist breaking one of those ammonia capsules under my nose. The entire staff gave me nasty looks when I left because the place smelled so bad.

    Good times.

  2. When the dentist asks you ” How are you?” while he is actually proceeding, he is trying to distracts you, don’t answer him!! He is also making it less painful for you! psychologically! and to be honest he will get bored from long working hours without a little annoying chit chat haha!!!
    I think I just made it worse for you and everybody! 😀

    GIGI | https://bmobshelldrawer.wordpress.com

  3. I just went to the dentist today for my bi-annual check-up. All was good. I don’t mind visiting him, though. Besides being a professional, he’s also very attractive 🙂

  4. I am so with you. 😥 I hateeeeee going to the dentist. Sensitive gums and weak enamel = not a good time at all. (My dentist is a longtime family friend and my mom is the godmother of his kids, so it’s not like I can hate him either, hahaha.)

    • Ahh! Try to go! Oral health is actually very important and your 800 year old self will thank you with your own teeth in tact. They could probably put you under for just about anything if you are willing to pay lol – so then you wouldn’t have to experience ANY of it!

  5. I hate the dentist too, I actually haven’t been in nearly two years and this post has reminded me that I probably should go. My Mum didn’t see a dentist for over 14 years as she was terrified and I’m sure she’s rubbed off on me.

    Ami xxx

  6. Inserts ROFL face please tell me they are not going to introduce capes its bad enough having your mouth violated lol. I don’t mind the dentist but then again I don’t love it.

  7. LOL seriously what is with the flossing contradictions? I can’t keep up! I had all four wisdom teeth out a few years back and with a groggy head and mouth full of gauze I was never asked more questions in my life. So awkward!

  8. Gosh , I am one that is afraid of dentist. I will over floss, be a total maniac when comes of oral hygiene at home and cry like a baby when I have to change dentist. Never heard about flossing contradictions

  9. Haha, very funny post, again! I am one of the persons that hate to go to the dentist. It’s been about 2 years now since I found a really good one, very gentle (called actually gentle dental), that will stop every time I raise my hand. I’m a bit more confident when going to him but, just to say hello, it costs me like £100. And that’s an awesome motivator to floss, floss, floss :))

  10. I HATE going to the dentist , but your post makes it a lot easier 🙂 I love all your posts , always a funny reading ! I will definitely be back for more fun ! Thanks for sharing 🙂

  11. Haha I love this post, very funny! Like that cheeky little game of thrones reference too 🙂 and I know all too well about the chatty ones- when I was having my braces fitted the woman wouldn’t stop talking to me!

  12. I remember my first time to have a tooth extracted, my husband told me that it won’t be that painful and I did trust on his words. And when I was there, lying and on the process of the extraction… my mind was screaming and asking “What the heck is going on? My husband told me that it should be like this and not this.” But, I can’t do anything that time. Maybe then, I really can’t do any. Lol.

  13. What’s the dentist? Haha, jk. But I honestly do hate it. Maybe I was traumatized by a horror movie I watched as a kid! Dentist pulling teeth out with pliers! Waah.

  14. It’s funny because while reading this, I am currently suffering from a toothache! It’s one of those wisdom teeth and it’s erupting. Anyway, I had a laugh while reading this! This is so real and relatable. LOL

  15. These memes are everything ha! I hate the dentist 😦 currently have a wisdom tooth that needs to be pulled and am literally so scared to go!!

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