5 Reasons Public Restrooms Gross Me Out

5 Reasons Public

Men and women are different.  And I am not referring to gender equality, #WomenOn20s, or even the fact men still make more money than women for the same job.  There is no real political or socioeconomic agenda here.  It just comes down to basic biological differences.  Other than the epiphany we all learned from cute, little Joseph in Kindergarten Cop, that is.

boyshaveapenis

I am not going to discuss general anatomy, the birds and the bees, or even proper ways to manscape/groom yourself.  But speaking of things we do with our different genitalia, going to the bathroom is one of them.  I worked in retail for about ten years so I know how disgusting restrooms can be.  The women’s restroom was always gross with sprayed walls, poop-salmon patties on the back of the toilet, or even bloodstained handles and drippings on the ground.  Ew. Bye.  While the men’s restrooms MAY not get as vile and putrid as a woman’s, there are still plenty of reasons why I detest them.  When the Bee Gee’s wrote and sang “Tragedy,” they didn’t know just how true it was for men’s restrooms…

Sticky- Troughs-  Smelly-  Sounds like

1. Urine Sap
There’s really no way to describe the feeling of walking around the men’s restroom without using one word: sticky.  It baffles me because my bathroom at home doesn’t have sticky floors.  All over the floor in public restrooms you see 50 Shades of Urine in different sizes and thickness or goopiness.  It’s like sap from a pine tree, only not.  And it just smells like stale, puke-coated mildew that’s oozed out of a zombie’s rotting, moist asshole.

the only sap that needs to exist

2. Urinals
Where do I even begin with the bad here?  One might think, “Men stand when they pee… this idea is BRILLIANT!”  No.  There is nothing okay with urinals.  First, you always (ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS) spray back/splash yourself with urine mist.  You can try aiming in the corner, near the urinal cake, or wherever.  Even if you find an old-fashioned restroom with the 5-foot tall urinal towers your shoes still get splashed all over.  It’s absurd.  I am not at Disney World.  This is NOT Splash Mountain.  Goodbye.

youwillgetwet

Also, why can’t the urinals be in separate stalls?  Like, I do not enjoy whipping out my master of ceremonies while I can feel the breath of the guy beside me doing the same thing.  At least about 75% of men’s restrooms actually have small dividers between the stalls (even if you can just see everything behind the crack/opening as it reflects of the tile wall.  I guess that’s something.  Whatever.  And please, do NOT talk to me while we are pissing.  Also, think back on what I said about urine sap prior to this.  I want you to understand that the floor beneath a urinal is stickier than carpet tape, Gorilla glue, and shower jizz COMBINED.

urinaltalking

3. Troughs
LORD, HAVE MERCY!  For those of you who don’t know what a trough is, you must not have been around farm life.  Troughs were created as a long, narrow, open container for animals to eat or drink out of.  Surely they were not created for men to stand with their shoulders and elbows brushing up against each other while they pee.  Even being gay I do not want to see wall to wall cocks pissing in the same long, trough.  Not my idea of anything remotely pleasant.  And why do most gay bars have them?  The last time I used one a man stood there watching me as I unzipped my pants.  He literally knelt forward and was staring right at my fly waiting for me to whip knight him with my bologna baton.  Rubbing his face and licking his lips like I was just some chicken (gay pun intended).  Needless to say, I had some choice words for him and his trashiness and refused to continue until he got his face out of my boxer briefs.  Some people can just act like disgusting, bottom-feeding, sea urchin trash.  C’est la vie!

how is this okay-!-

4. Men Are Full Of It, Literally
I just want to pee in private.  I have never walked into a restroom at work without one or both of the stalls being occupied by squatters.  Men are full of shit, literally.  ALL DAY LONG.  Why are you grunting SO loudly?  Are you murdering a child in there?  Why didn’t you go at home?  And why didn’t you WASH YOUR HANDS after you came out and made eye contact?  GROSS!  Can’t handle it.  I’d rather get a bladder infection than force myself in those situations again.

what i dread seeing when i  enter the

5. No ADA Seal of Approval
My dentist bitches when I am honest that I don’t brush or floss at work.  Um, bye.  I refuse to put anything in my mouth that has been on any surface of a public restroom or even in the air of one.  Like I said, I can’t go in there without someone droppin’ a deuce that puts The Wall Street Bombing of 1920 to shame.  Every fiber of my being screams how wrong and gross it would be to brush my teeth and floss while there is a reenactment from Human Centipede in the stall behind me.  I just can’t.  Give me cavities.  Give me root canals.  That’s why I purchase Premium Dental Healthcare.  What’s next?  Clipping your toenails over the sink?  Pass.

Just imagine how it smells

So now you know what goes through my mind daily as I work.  In a corporate banking environment.  With professionals.  In suits and ties.  It’s one flickering light away from serving as the next filming location for Saw.  Prayers needed!

prayers desperately needed

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59 thoughts on “5 Reasons Public Restrooms Gross Me Out

    • I agree it’s a bonus. But why can’t I pee in a normal toilet? I can stand over one of those just as easily!

      Have you ever tried those…. devices that allow women to pee standing up? Lol… always been curious about those…

      • Haha no! And I haven’t heard about it! Maybe I’ll have to do a little research. I also think there is another major disadvantage to being a guy when it comes to the bathroom, that you forgot: peeing at night! Women can pee without turning on the lights, making it easier to fall asleep! 🙂

  1. Back when I first went to college, I landed a nighttime job as a janitor. I have been very particular keeping things clean in my livespace ever since. *laugh* And I don’t use public restrooms, anymore, unless I absolutely have to! Blech!

  2. How very true. I know some people who take their coffee in to the toilets and last week I heard some guy on his mobile while pissing in a cubicle. Gross! Also, I like and hate hand driers at the same time. Sometimes I need towels to wipe my face which I cant do with the hand drier, well I could but my hair would go mental and I’d walk out looking like Amy Winehouse. Oh yeah and don’t get me started on the toilet attendants in nightclubs!

  3. I think the first time I used a public bathroom like in a Walmart I was like 18 haha. I would literally hold myself ALL DAY until I got home. Even now, I don’t care if it’s icky I will not go lol. I can’t imagine what the urinal experience must be like.

  4. Public restrooms are so gross! It bothers me when people always think I’m weird when I usually use my own restroom when I leave anywhere but I’d rather not get anywhere near a public one.

  5. My mind puked a little whilst reading about the urine sap. I cannot even begin to understand how it’s possible that people can let bathrooms get that disgusting. And why isn’t aiming a thing? How have people gotten this far in life without learning to aim, flush, and clean up after themselves??

    Troughs are terrifying. I had to use a public restroom in China several years ago and let’s just say…never again. It’s never a good sign when you can smell it 40 feet before you even step into it. And when the only free stall is the middle one, where you can see everyone’s pee and other bodily fluids traveling toward you and they have the nerve to charge you for toilet paper? NO. 😥

    I’ve always been jealous of dudes and their ability to pee standing up, haha. I absolutely refuse to sit on any public restroom toilet though. Squats all the way! Good thing I like doing those! 😮

  6. Urinals have always creeped me the crap out. Jon refuses to use them because of the whole backsplash situation. Gross. This is not Splash Mountain. Dying of laughter over here. I did not know troughs were a thing for peeing. I’ve only heard about them when referring to livestock pretty much. This entire concept just freaked me out. I can’t even handle.

  7. Finally!!! I am not alone!!!! Lol but you forgot one more thing… Why the hell does it have to be so quiet!!!! Why the hell cant they play elevator music or something??? Lmfao and put some damn air fresheners!!! And for god sakes $@?%#*&! Flush!!! Lol

  8. Hahaha, gross! I can’t imagine the troughs! I thought the women’s restrooms were gross in America. Korea tops it for most disgusting public restrooms. Often there’s no soap, or if there is its a bar of soap that is dirty and has long hairs all over it. Old ladies like to squat with the doors open while mad dogging you, and even though their modern buildings with new plumbing allow for flushing TP down the toilet, people often refuse to leaving their soiled TP sunny side up in the open garbage can. I HATE PUBLIC BATHROOMS!

    • I think I just vomited a little bit.. wow… WOW! I would rather just pee on a bush outside than go in one of those sour-smelling, musky ovens with a hole to pee in… lol

  9. Haha I am sorry that is too funny I am going to share that later on Twitter because it is so true! I have worked in hospitality before and its disgusting how some people don’t even bother to clean up after themselves it is completely gross.

    • You know most of their own bathrooms are not like that… since it’s not theirs and someone is “paid to clean up after them,” it must be okay to leave it like a hot mess, right?

  10. I try to avoid public toilets as much as possible but sometimes when I am traveling, I don’t have any option but still I prefer to use the ones that are clean. In Dubai, I came across a restaurant in Jumeirah, their toilet seats had a thin film and it gets automatically replaced when you flush. So a new film for the new user.

    Fatima | http://www.blogsbyfa.com

  11. Haha this did make me chuckle 🙂 I agree public toilets are GROSS. I’m from England but I always find it’s EVEN worse in foreign countries >.<

  12. This made me cough from laughter 😂😂 do you know what more gross than that, guys pee standing but they never talk about the splashes! Eww
    I am a nursing student and experienced all kind of body fluids and cervix but the “Tragedy” is a whole new level for me 😂
    Women always put on their Bobby pens over near the sink which totally gross!!!!!! If I needed to take something from my bag, I put it between my legs lol! Or shove it in the nearer pocket!
    Finally thank you for this post, it’s a new thing for me!
    Check this out https://youtu.be/XRyOLmUHErs

  13. LOL 🙂 I love your profile photo on the escalator. And yea, I feel bad for you guys. I rather do the squat even in my heels. Your lines are always shorter however. That’s kind of a plus. Kind of.

  14. hahaha never thought one will come up with such topic for blogging….But the main point seriously restrooms are problem …Especially common restrooms are yucky..Probably Its the problem in all countries..
    Mini Noms

  15. Love how your humor brought light to a very gross topic. Too funny and true, and the last picture was hilarious.

  16. Oh, you should see some of the women’s public toilets. I would rather risk the unimaginable then going in there. The worst toilets I’ve ever been to were the ones from Machu Picchu, in Peru. They run out of water that day. I can’t describe the scenery and the smell without getting sick. That was the proof that yeah, people can actually s*** on the walls!

    • I don’t know that I want to see those toilets… although, they kind of sound like the ones at the Target I used to work at when I was in college… lol! So sorry you had to go through that…….

    • Glad I could make you smile 🙂 I will do whatever it takes to avoid public restrooms, up to and including potential bladder bursting… lol

  17. This is funny and gross. It is just so sad to think why there are these kind of people who doesnt care about the next toilet user.

  18. Hahaha you had me giggling all the way through this! They really are so gross! I don’t understand the urinals either! Especially the troughs, just disgusting. I wouldn’t want to brush my teeth in public toilets either, my hands never feel clean after washing them in their let alone my teeth! No thank you!

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