Change. We’ve heard about it our entire lives. We know it’s inevitable. We know we’re not supposed to always fear it or be opposed to it. But let’s face it; 99% of the time we don’t WANT the change. We are happy with the way things are — That is unless you work in retail management and you transition to a corporate environment. That is a change I went through in 2013 and am so thankful it happened (and my bank account is, too!) There are several “changes” that I won’t miss one bit!
Thongs Are Not WIC Approved
Seriously. I want a T-Shirt that says “3-for-$5 Thongs” on the front and “Not WIC Approved” on the back. Thongs are inherently disgusting. I can’t even imagine the stench and stains on that fabric floss. Women would actually come in from buying their cheap, generic chips and sodas and try to purchase these thongs that were BASICALLY already free ($1.67 is a CHEAP thong…) with their WIC cards. No, ma’am! And please, put the scissors down. Do NOT try to stab me over the counter because I won’t let you buy thongs via a program tailored towards healthcare and nutrition of low-income pregnant women, breastfeeding women, and infants and children under the age of five. All I can think of is that old game, Barrel Of Monkeys, but with interlocking thongs.
Weekends & Holidays Are MINE
I am no longer a slave to working weekends! My happiness and free time will no longer be sacrificed so you can come in the store at 9am and shop for a bracelet while you are wearing your stained and grimy pajamas! Changing to a job that is Monday thru Friday is one of the best things that ever happened to me. I consistently had two days off in a row (and two days that are actually good to go out and do things!)
I no longer have to work Holidays! I am now a banker so I get them ALL off. Well, all of them but Arbor Day. I don’t understand what happened with this country. Parents and families have no idea how to bond and spend time together. When school is out and holidays are around the corner where else should you go besides shopping and to the movies? Do NOT complain about all the people that are now working on Thanksgiving Day. YOU shoppers are the reason that executive leaders decided we must be open. Customers sometimes do not understand their behaviors dictate retail operations… but they always think that yelling at someone or their boss will inspire immediate action and consequences to whatever associates involved.
Soggy Dollars and Sticky Coins
“That will be $21.39.” And I watch as the woman pulls a damp $20 bill out of her bra. It’s August. It’s Atlanta. Girl, that shit is NASTY. And NOW you want to bend over and shake some quarters out of that bra? This is not some skeezy, drug-filled titty bar for has-been strippers with leathery skin. Get real. You want to act like that? Do not get offended when I reach for your money as I use a plastic bag as a glove. BYE.
The Customer Is Always Right
We’ve all heard this? Ok, well those of us working in the service industry know that actually the customer is USUALLY wrong. And I am proud of the fact that I never broke to a rude customer’s complaints that were unreasonable (sometimes they did make sense and I did everything I could to satisfy that customer). Oh, you want to get that Nike sweatshirt with this coupon that is for Reebok? You want to get those bras on sale when your coupon expired three weeks ago? Sorry, not sorry! Oh the insanity…
And a little fact: nicer customers get treated better than the rude ones who threaten calling hotlines, stabbing you, or spitting on the registers. If you act crazy, you better believe that all upper management will know how crazy you are and they will listen to you complain but not one thing will happen from that situation. Thankfully I have an advocate in Bon Qui Qui. She taught me it’s okay to huff my chest and respond, “Do not get loud with me! Do NOT. GET. LOUD. WITH. ME!”
While there are many more things that I love about the change from Retail Management to Corporate Banking, these are a few that stick out in my mind. Even if you don’t like the change, you can always find some opportunities to rejoice. And to that change I scream from the mountaintops, “HALLELUJAH!” How do you handle change, whether it’s good or bad?
findingmontauk 
Oh dear Lord, I can totally relate to this brilliant rant! :’) I worked in retail for over ten years and I’d never go back! “The customer is king” is a typical saying overhere. I was quick to add: “Yes, but I am the emperess” to it. And the weekends off IS so so very sweet 🙂 Enjoy them! Congrats on the job change!
It’s nice how funny things seem now – but back a couple years ago it was just madness, frustration, etc! Retail Workers Unite!
Glad you enjoyed 🙂
Oh, it’s all funny in hindsight. But I’m pretty sure my personal hell is having to sell curtains for the rest of my life :’) (including during the weekends)
It upsets me that people tried to buy thongs on the WIC program. D: I’m so glad that you get holidays and weekends now! And hoorayyyy for no more sweaty boob money. o_o
I’ve never worked in retail and was rejected when I applied to be a waitress because I didn’t have any previous experience (whereeee was I supposed to get that if no one would hire me because I had none!?), but more and more, I feel like people are treating medical offices kinda like they do with retail workers. Watching my preceptors get complaints for refusing to prescribe pain meds for patients who absolutely do not need em’ is all sorts of fun! (I mean this with all the sarcasm possible. :O )
P.S. I really like your new layout! :D!
I understand what you’re saying- and it’s like hospital employees are catering to the family more and more instead of being able to worry about and focus on their patients! Everyone is so entitled these days… 😛
P.S. Thanks! Been playing around with it a while and I am actually kind of embarrassed at how long I let it look like it used to… *shudder*
Tis a sad fact, but now I just get especially happy when I come across the pleasant and reasonable patients and families! 😛
I laughed out loud at your description of a woman giving you a dirty $20 bill out of her bra. I hope that didn’t really happen to you. As for working holidays, my husband has to sometimes but is relatively happy doing so. Is your current work nine-to-five? My husband’s isn’t and he actually likes working longer shifts.
I did not mind too much on working holidays because I do not live near my family, so I would not see them anyway on some of them.
I work about 7a-3p shifts now in my corporate banking world and I work from home a few days a week, too. It is pure heaven!!
Hahaha YAAASSSS I worked for a grocery store chain all through high school and on breaks during college. Then I worked for Gap and The Loft. Some customers were complete GEMS. But it is amazing what kind of nasty, irritating, WRONG people there are in the world. Honestly. No, you don’t get a discount because you had to wait in line sorta long because you left a heap in the fitting room that took us this whole time to re-organize. And you made our clothes smell gross and we have to Febreeze them. BYE.
YES! Febreeze was our best friend – especially when combined with bleach when people would let their kids go to the bathroom on a pile of clothes IN the fitting room. I swear, I can’t believe someone has not made a book yet about stories!!
Oh I can relate to all of this. I too transferred from retail to corporate. Unfortunately I did so in a way that still meant I had shitty customers to speak to. My blogs are full of stories of how I didn’t quite keep the dripping sarcasm from my voice as I tell them ‘of course it’s not your fault your computer died, they like to be used as coasters for your coffee’.
Great post 🙂
hahah man I hated working retail, but there’s no escaping upset customers unless you work in tech or somewhere where you don’t have to interact with too many people lol. this was hilarious read so thanks for that!
stop by and chat with me 🙂 http://storybookapothecary.com
Luckily the role I have been in since May 2013 requires ZERO customer/client interactions. Now I just have to worry about corporate “professionals” stealing my lunch in the breakroom or not washing their hands after they use the restroom… hehe 😛
Thanks for stopping by and I will check you out!
This article is so funny! You are so funny 🙂 I wish every person had to work retail at least 1 day in their life.
I worked I retail when I was a student. My two main memories are firstly having to work on the millennium day. I was still drunk, couldn’t find my uniform and wore shoes that didn’t match. I don’t know how I survived that day. The second, being held up at knifepoint and refusing to give the guy money from the till and telling him to just take a couple of bottles of alcohol and fuck off. I was cuuuuuurazeeee lol
You must have worked in the shady part of town like I did for 2 years (which was literally across the street from the nice part of town, lol) – – We were robbed at gunpoint when I was manager on duty, people tried stabbing me with a screwdriver as we stopped them from shoplifting…. so so so so many violent methhead shoplifters…. ugh… I should write a book about that place… sounds like we could alternate stories in the book haha
Oh my god that is so much worse than my story. I was also a bit naughty sometimes and would talk about the customers with my colleagues. One time I said that there was a guy at the counter who had a haircut like HeMan. He didn’t hear but his friend did and started knocking down all the shelves. Whoopsy
Haircut like A HE-MAN! hahaha! I feel bad for the guy…
Coming from someone who is still working in retail… I super appreciate this post! Definitely got a chuckle out from it. Also had an interesting encounter at work with a customer who kept telling me she deserved to receive our student discount because she was paying for her son to go to college. *massive eye rolls*
Hahaha…. they really WILL SAY ANYTHING! It shouldn’t surprise me anymore. And I definitely shouldn’t have hope for humanity to change. But it does. And I do.
OMG YES!!!!!! This post reminded me of “the not so good ol’ days” when I worked retail! Yes, a million times over, especially on the boob money! Disgusting people…
I do miss being able to collect stories from no longer working in retail… but would never willingly do it again!
I am dying !! Such a fun (and true fact) post to read !! Greetings from http://stylishconfidence.com/