The Perfect Eggnog


The holidays just aren’t complete without my daily tonic of homemade eggnog, also called egg milk punch.  I tend to stay away from calling it the latter because “milk punch” sounds a little gross (almost like we threw in some milk on a frozen sorbet and cracked open some eggs on it- yikes).  I tried purchasing many types and brands of premixed eggnog in the past, but they were never that tasty.  If I am thankful for any single reason for meeting my boyfriend, it would have to because of his family recipe for eggnog.  No one makes it as good as him, even if they follow the recipe.  It’s as if he is the Willy Wonka of holiday cocktails.  And a virgin eggnog?  No, thank you.  The only virgin allowed at Christmas is Mary.  Non-spiked eggnog is totally unbearable and an offense to those participating at any Christmas party.  Even the tiniest of baby sips of virgin eggnog can smother your mouth and coat your throat with thick, treacly sweetness for hours.  This post’s “Bye, Felicia” award definitely goes to virgin eggnog.  BYE, FELICIA!  It’s amazing what some spices and alcohol do to turn a sugary, putrid drink into a joyous party in your mouth.  And the answer is not simply taking store bought eggnog and adding alcohol to it.  Oh, no, no, no dear, sweet child.  We have to make it all!  Well, we don’t go squeeze cow nipples and process or own milk.  After all, this is the 21st century.  That being said, feel free to serve your eggnog in a martini glass garnished with a cinnamon stick.  We can definitely be bourgie with our eggnog.

So, just how do we make our boozy eggnog to perfection?  Well, I have been given permission to tell you the ingredients.  But it is up to you all to try out the perfect combination of mixing them and timing when to add which ingredients (add it before blending, after the alcohol, at the end, etc).  I can’t totally give away the family recipe!  But we use eggs, sugar, white rum, brandy, milk, and heavy cream.  And as long as you have on some fabulous Christmas music in the background (like Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers, Bing Crosby, or Elvis), you can be sure that the Christmas spirit will channel its way into our recipe.  It is to-die-for and everyone at every party asks for the recipe.  My boyfriend makes it so well that he drives across town to his siblings houses and delivers them giant jugs filled with the sensational nog.  Open up your spice rack and sprinkle on some nutmeg or a combination of cinnamon and pumpkin spice and you have yourself the perfect drink for breakfast, lunch, and dinner throughout the wintry month of December.  Sometimes I like to pretend I am at Hogwarts attending Divination class learning about Tessomancy (the art of reading tea leaves to predict the future) when I sprinkle my spices.  And as a mini literary history lesson:  In third year, during one of the Divination lessons, Professor Trelawney read the tea leaves in Harry Potter’s cup and saw four things: the falcon, a deadly enemy; The club, an attack; The skull, danger in your path and the Grim, a spectral dog which is an omen of death.

Just what do your spices and eggnog say about your future?


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